soul flash

November 28, 2008, 05:38 PM By Laura Snyder

from AOL australia

Friends with Benefits Etiquette

With an increasing population of singles - 86 million and counting - who are marrying later or not marrying at all, Americans are spending the majority of their lives uncoupled. That adds up to a lot of folks looking for someone to hook up with. And for many, that someone is likely to be a friend.

For mature, experienced adults, who are able to disentangle their sexual needs from emotional needs, that can be healthy.

No Strings

The obvious draw is the idea of easy sex without the pressures and limitations of a relationship. There's one necessary key to this, though, and that's clarity. You both need to be honest that you're using each other (but in a good way), that you're not secretly hoping for more. No getting territorial or possessive when one of you is dating someone. No use of collective pronouns (us, we) or talk of a future later than a few hours away.

Convenience

'Friends with benefits' is often employed by people who don't have time for a real romance, but still want to get some action (without misleading dates and breaking hearts). You can get what you want - and not have to go through the charade of flirting, buying drinks, trying to figure out what each other wants. Remember though, that this isn't like ordering take-out. You don't get to be mad or get insistent if your bed buddy is busy or tired when you call.

Discretion

As proud as you are that your bed buddy would come running at even your most clumsy attempts at a 3am booty text, there's no need to brag to your other friends. No getting grabby in public. No meeting your hook-up's family or co-workers. No outings - dinners, movies, romantic strolls in the park - that start resembling dates.

Comfort

You're not out to impress, or be impressed, and, because you're already friends, there's a level of physical and emotional comfort already there. That doesn't give you permission to get lazy - the goal is mutual satisfaction, remember? Beware though picking a friend you're too close and comfortable with. Some friends are better than others when it comes to changing the dynamic by sleeping together. If you're getting more-than-friendly with an acquaintance, rather than a close pal, it will be less painful to sever ties should things go sour.